Alibis have good and bad seasons just like crops and stock markets. The star-studded collection of all-time excuse makers on the Potomac fall some sessions, only to rebound the next in a spellbinding row of successes only to be surpassed by the master snake charmers of India.

Tax dodgers and husbands and wives awaken one morning to find they are out of material. I am going to have to stop counting sheep just like I stopped roping. After 50 years, I began to bore myself blaming the dust in the pens for being off 50 head and the wind for having to throw eight extra loops before catching a front foot.

Developments on the ranch scene stay static. For example, just last week, a Mexican cowboy told his boss he needed a week off in July to go to Mexico City for a haircut. Seems he made a promise to los santos in April that if the Border Patrol didn't arrest his niece before her baby was born in the U.S. this spring, he'd go without a haircut until he was able to make a pilgrimage to Mexico City.

His presentation was professional. The airline employing his son connects to Mexico City and offers big discounts to family members. Haircuts can be arranged on short notice on the cathedral steps in Mexico City. If ranch business becomes urgent in July, he assured his boss, only one day off would be necessary to fly down and fly back from the Federal. And last, his prayers had been answered, as his niece had given birth to a fine new citizen of the United States on May 6 of some eight pounds and a few ounces without being so much as questioned by the Border Patrol.

In all the years of working imported labor, I had never heard such a convincing excuse for time off to go to Mexico. Most likely every leg of his case had been ruled in his favor by the federal court system. Look, too, at the man's indisputable honor. First, keeping his vow to his protectors — los santos. Second, further proving his loyalty by assuring his boss that if a crisis arose at the ranch, he would make the round trip from San Antonio, Texas to Mexico City in one day. (This is proof he believes in miracles, as changing planes in Mexico City is more complicated than mapping an excursion through the Pentagon in Washington during a blackout.) And in his wrapup, showing he was a law-abiding person by only praying, not obstructing, the path of justice to protect his then-pregnant niece.

Asked for my opinion on how to handle the situation, I recommended he be given his Christmas bonus six months ahead to avoid the inevitable advance to pay for such incidentals as the discounted fare to Mexico, the full fare on a taxi from the airport, and the price of a haircut on the cathedral steps.

After a bit more thought, I suggested giving him the two weeks, but marking him off the payroll for two more weeks. If he is like 99.47 percent of the Mexican cowboys, he isn't going to make it back to the ranch on time, so why not strike July, and have him home in time to wean the calves in August? My final advice was to slip a pair of barber scissors and a shaving mirror in the bunkhouse bathroom in case he needed to do a bit of primping before taking his long plane ride.

A long time ago, a college professor tipped me off how to handle the sick grandmother stories occurring before shearing and shipping. He told his students at the first class to advise their grandmothers to be careful before six weeks' and final exams, and to be further cautious the day after classes take up from the holidays, as many a dear old lady's illness conflicted with university schedules.

But when I used the professor's plan, somewhere in the translation from the English mind to the Spanish language, they decided I knew beforehand their grandmothers were going to be sick; so untimely furloughs to Mexico increased, instead of being reduced by my ploy.

The best trick, it turned out, was when they wanted to go home, the sooner I ticketed them on the bus headed south, the better chance I had of keeping my help and my dignity.

The timing looks favorable for the cowboy to make his pilgrimage to Mexico City. June rains put his boss in a good humor. The christening of the new baby can be postponed until he has his hair cut in Mexico. If he doesn't run into a lot of uncles in the capital, he'll be back at the ranch in August, ready to start rebuilding another Christmas bonus and a new story for a winter vacation.

June 24, 1999