January 18,1996

The right to carry concealed weapons in Texas came into effect the first of the year, and 175,000 citizens applied for licenses. All applicants must take a gun safety course to receive a permit. Quite a number of other restrictions exist. For example, concealed weapons are forbidden in some public buildings, and private businesses reserve the right to forbid firearms on their premises.

A bishop in San Antonio made a big to-do about forbidding firearms on church property. The church was already protected by the law but auxiliary buildings were not, so the good people posted signs proclaiming their property, of all things, was a place of peace.

Lots of radicalism has seeped into all the churches. Before Christmas, a man of the cloth in Mertzon ordered the congregation to go a full week without talking about each other. For seven days and seven nights, we were ordered not to gossip about our neighbors. No dispensations were offered for hardship cases. He didn't say what to do if we met a Bosnian or a congressman face to face down at the post office, or over at the bank. He avoided mentioning immediate family or in-laws. As radical as the ban was, the pastor evidently knew to leave a few loopholes.

After church, I told him the same thing I told him when he insisted we pray for peace. Well, basically the same thing. That the Bill of Rights guarantees freedom of speech, true or untrue in substance, unfounded or imagined in content. "Even if the Bill of Rights doesn't outright say so," I said, "the document implies we have the choice of listening - freedom of listening, is the doctrine's name."

And to the matter of praying for peace, as free-born citizens of this great republic, we delegate to our executive branch the power to declare war. Go look, but there's not one word giving the president the power to declare peace. Furthermore, some of the world's fiercest battles were fought under the name of holy wars. Charlemagne, or maybe it was King Charles II, packed a big-bladed sword decorated by a gold cross on the handle. Think those guys would have allowed for prayers for peace, or a ban on sidearms in the chapel? Most certainly not. Perhaps his highness might have prayed for peace in the case of the queen's temperament, however, that's a private matter.

But as I complained to the pastor, the habit of gossip is too entrenched to give up for a whole week. Before the dial system, we shared a party line among seven ranches. Every morning a couple of the women opened a three-hour conversation over the wire. Their names were "Jessie" and "Lou Ann". Mother allowed me to monitor the session on Saturdays to see if listening on the telephone improved my attention span for Monday's classes. This was the only homework for which I showed the slightest aptitude, so the dialogue remains vivid.

The conversations went like this: A few coughs and Jessie would ask Lou how she was feeling.

Lou: "I didn't close my eyes all night. Doctor Deal gave me some medicine, but it's so strong, I am afraid I might spill it and burn my skin. Remember what happened to Ester when Doctor Deal gave her the same medicine I'm taking? Her tongue turned black as coal. Remember Louise told us it was too bad Ester couldn't smear some of that medicine on her scalp and turn her hair black."

Jessie: "Golly Moses, Lou, are you gonna be all right to come to my bridge party Wednesday afternoon? You are right. Ester's hair did turn black after she started having it done in Angelo."

Lou: I reckon so, Jessie. Have you decided yet whether to serve toast or biscuits under your chicken ala king? You make the best toast. I always am so jealous of your toast. Do you buy your bread in San Angelo?

Jessie: "Lands sake, Lou, I'd give anything to be able to fix chicken ala king as good as you can. By the way, did you hear what Lucille Garrett said the other morning at the post office to Glad when she picked up her baby chickens from Sear's Roebuck? I can't tell you over the phone, but I bet you can guess if you'll think what your hubby tracks in from the barn."

Coming from that background, the habit to gossip is too instilled to break. The whole news network reeks of scandals. Big-timers in Washington and Hollywood titillate the imagination of the ones of us stranded in the provinces. I don't know understand why anyone would be so unreasonable as to go so hard against human nature.